Wheel of Truth
by Truemythewise
Summary: I don't really write fanfiction but decided to have a go. Wheel of Truth is a humorous adventure story and a crossover between sword of truth and wheel of time. It's cracky, random, and pokes fun at things i find amusing in the two series. enjoy
1. Chapter 1

Truemy the wise *sigh* I pommised I'd never do this…*

Welcome to the world of Truemy's CRACK (meaning crack fanfiction) *sob* Yes I'm doing a fanfiction, but it's crackfiction so yeah… anyway….

(Note)[Before this made tirade begins, I'd like to let everyone know who is reading The Sword of Truth or watching Legend of the Seeker, or reading and have read all The Wheel of Time books out there, that this story ** is not currently up to date. I'm gonna say that this sorta takes place in SoT world around book 6 which I believe is Faith of the Fallen. *and before the series starts to REAAAAALLLY SUCK* and Wheel of time before The Gathering Storm well, might have a bit of Gathering storm in it, just oh hell I don't know. This note is pointless. Ignore it and move on]

***

Rand, Mat and Perrin, surrounded by shadow spam *yes spam* and too many forsaken *about three seeing as the others are 'dead' *wink* *wink* or we'd like to believe anyway. At any rate, they come across a portal Stone and Rand wiggles his fingers and his toes (Which no one could see because he is wearing shoes) and the Two Rivers boys are all whisked away.

Flicker: *cough*

Truemy the wise: "What was that?"

Flicker: "Oh, nothing, nothing"

Truemy the wise: gives Flicker a suspicious look.

Are all whisked away to a wor—

Flicker: *HACK*

Truemy the wise: *closes eyes and slowly opens them again* "What?"

Flicker: Well, it's not really worth mentioning, but RJ usually used the flicker. Not Whisk. *says the word with much distaste* anyway. I'm just a crack from Darkhounds fanfiction. It's kinda sad really, you can't come up with anything original, so you steel other peoples crack.

Truemy the wise: *puts a cork in flickers mouth.* anyway, as I was saying.

Are all FLICKERED away

Flicker: Much better

Truemy the wise *blush in spite of herself*

Are all flickered away. So far away that they split from the pattern all together and soon find themselves on a different blanket.

Rand, Mat, Perrin, wobble for a moment before falling flat on their faces.

Mat: *pushing himself off the ground and scrambles to get a hold of his spear thingy* *once on his feet he looks around wildly.* *sigh* "Well, they're gone."

Perrin: *Hammer in hand and wearing a look of disappointment* "Oh,"

Mat: "Perrin… are you frothing at the mouth?"

Perrin: *quickly wipes his face* "No."

Mat: *Opens his mouth to ask, but then thinks it's better not to ask* "I think it's better not to ask"

Perrin: *gives him a sideways glance.* "Yeah… we just read your little star bracket."

Rand: *Who has thus far been scanning the surroundings* "Get back to the portal stone."

Mat/Perrin: "Why?"

Rand: *opens his mouth to tell them, but is interrupted by a loud scream*

Richard: "RAAAAAAAAAAAAAARG! Richard angry!" *He rushes at the portal stone with a great sword spelling out the words TRUTH on the hilt (except no one can see them because his hands are in the way.) He screams, the Two Rivers boys leap out of the way just in time to dodge the mad mans sword, who then proceeds to cut the portal stone in half*

Mat: *staring at mad stranger* "Blood and ashes, what did you do that for?"

Richard: *staring at portal stone ruins* "The Stone was evil."

Mat/Rand/Perrin: *all share a look*

Rand: "What?"

Richard "I understand emblams." *sheaths sword and looks more sane*

(Truemy The wise: "Yes, yes I told you to just ignore the note. And I know I probably spelt emblams wrong but for those of you who can't tell what I'm trying to say due to my poor spelling, is the things that were containing Nicini *think that's her name… um Death's Mistress* in the beginning of the Phantom book* anyway…)

Kahlan: *coming out of the woods* "Richard, what are you…" *looks at the three newcomers* "You're not from here are you?"

Mat: *scrambles to his feet again and giving the beautiful girl a dashing smile.* "What gave us away, my lady?"

Kahlan: *blush* "Well, um" *stammers* "You just don't look like you're from here."

Richard: "I think what Kahlan is trying to say is… What are you doing here?"

Rand: "Well, we were _trying_ to leave but then you--"

*A chicken scuttles across the scene*

Richard: *eyes budge* "Raaaaaaaaaaaaarg!" *Draws sword of truth*

Kalhan: "Dear spirits not again…"

Richard: "RICHARD ANGRY!"

*Chicken squawks and scuttles back into the woods.*

Richard: *chases after Chicken* "I am the bringer of death evil chicken!" *disappears into the woods*

Kalhan: *looks off to where Richard disappeared for a moment.* "You were saying?"

Mat: "Is… is he mad?"

Kahlan: *sigh*

*in the background squawking and in distinguished shouts can be heard*

Kahlan: "No… he's just--"

Richard: *from far away* "RICHARD ANGRY" *thunk*

Kahlan: "Well, you heard him. Anyway, what were you saying?"

Rand: *staring after Richard wearing a look of sympathy and annoyance* "Well, we were trying to leave, but then," *jerks his thumb back to Richards shouts* "He destroyed the portal Stone."

Perrin: "Come to think of it, Rand why didn't you just make a bloody gateway out of there? Why did you have to use" *kicks broken portal stone* "this light curst thing."

Rand: *opens mouth* *frowns* "Um… for the sake of the plot I guess."

Perrin: *looks to a Rand a moment* *shrug* "Fair enough"

Rand: *to lovely Kahlan* "You know where another one of these things are. I kinda have a world to save back home…"

Perrin/Mat: *nods*

Kahlan: "Portal Stone?" *looks to broken rock* "Is that what that is?" *shakes head* "No, sorry this is the only one I've seen. There might be another in Adrial. (Truemythewise: or however you spell it, don't got a book on me.)

Richard: *returning with dead Chicken carcass* *sword firmly in its sheath* *the three two rivers boys eye him wearily.* "Well, looks like we can put some chicken in that spiced soup."

Kahlan: *rolls eyes* "Is that why it deserved to die?"

Richard: *looks at her seriously* "Don't even joke about it."

Mat: *whistle* "Okay, well, we'll just be heading of too, um Adrial."

Richard: *swerves towards them* *squints his eyes suspiciously* "Why are you going to Adrial?"

Mat: *smiles* *slowly backs away* "Well, to get away from the chicken of course. This place is crawling with them." *pretends shudder*

Richard: *relaxes a bit.* "So, you don't have any interest in the Wizards keep then?"

Rand: "Not unless it has another one of these." *kicks stone*

Richard *blinks a stone a moment* "Well, I don't know." *smiles broadly.* "Well, Kahlan and I are on our way there now. Why don't you join us?"

Rand/Mat/Perrin *share another look*

Perrin *mutters* "Not like we have much choice."

Mat/Rand *nods*

Rand: "Sure."

Richard: *serious voice* "Just one more thing."

Mat: "Erm… yes?"

Richard: *sticks out hand* "Introductions, I'm Richard Rhal." *smirks* *looking at them for signs of recognition, when none gave any he let out a disappointed breath* "and your names?"

Perrin: "Perrin."

Mat: "Mat"

Rand: "Rubin"

Everyone shot Rand a suspicious look

Rand: "Okay, fine, it's Rand…"

All glance at Kahlan.

Kahlan: *draw's herself up* "Kahlan Amnell, The Mother Confessor." *flushes at the two rivers boys blank stare* "Well, it means I'm going to be looking after you. Let's go."

***

Truemy the wise: "… Well that sucked." *grumbles* "Ah, well better luck next time. We'll see where this takes me."


	2. Chapter 2

Wheel of Truth

Chp2

Richard, Kahlan, Rand, Mat, Perrin all sitting around a camp. They have spent much of the day traveling through the woods and are now right and smelly and in much need of a bath. Kalhan has taken to wearing a scarf around her mouth and keeps giving the boys disgusted looks.

Richard: "So let me get this strait," *pulls fingers through hair* "You guys are from a world that revolves around a giant wheel that spins out life. And you three are the main patterns of this wheel? And the fate of all the people in this 'Wheel world' are on your three heads?"

Mat: *blows out smoke ring* "Yep"

Richard: "Huh, weird."

Perrin: *shrug* "Well, you make it sound weird when you put it that way."

Rand "How far is this, Adrial anyway?"

Richard: "About three weeks."

*At that moment a small child burst out of the woods.* *Richard reaches for his sword, but Kahlan smacks his hand away.*

Small child: "I've lost my dog! Please help me find him!"

Richard: "Okay,"

Small child: *relieved* "My home is about three weeks this way." *points in the opposite direction of Adrial*

Richard: *nods* "Okay, we'll head that way first thing in the morning."

Mat: "Hey, wait a minute. What about Adial?"

Richard: "We'll head there after we help this girl find her dog."

Rand: "Isn't the fate of the world a little bit more important than a dog,"

Richard *giving them all a series look*

Kalhan *under her breath* "Here we go again,"

Richard: "Every person makes choices as to how they will live. Evil does not exist independent of man. Men do evil by choice. Choice involves the requirement to think, even if ineffectually. The most basic choice you can make is to think or not to think…" *three hour long monologue latter*

(Truemythewise: "Yes, yes I told you before the note was irrelevant." *pause* "Yes the above quote does not belong to me but to Terry Goodkind.")

Mat: *snore* "Zzzzz…"

Rand: "… So why--,"

Kalhan: *smacks a hand over Rand's mouth.* *whisper* "Do you want to listen to him talk all night. Just go with it. You'll get home eventually."

Perrin: *having super wolf hearing* *buds in* *whisper* "But we got a world to safe. Light only knows what's going on there now with us stuck here. For all we know Tarmon Gai'don could be happening right now."

Kalhan: "Tarmon what?" *shacks head* "Never mind, there is no point in arguing with Richard." *sighs* "He always wins," *becomes abruptly aware of their stench.* *scrambles away from them.*

Rand: *not having any of it.* "Look, we need to get back. If you could just point us in the right direction we'll be on our way--"

Richard: "Life is important every--,"

Perrin: "Yes, yes that's all very well but we--,"

Kalhan: *in a singsong voice* "I told you so…"

Richard: *continues rant* "…to put ones life above…"

Mat and small child were the only two who got any sleep that night.

The following morning.

Rand "FINE! You light curst son of goat! We'll help her find her flaming dog!"

Small child: "Yey!" *runs and hugs Richard*

Richard: "Aren't you the ugliest child I've ever seen?"

Small child: *giggle*

Mat: *yawn* "So, we're heading for Ad--,"

Perrin/Rand/Kahlan : *all smack a hand over Mat's mouth.*

Rand: "Just leave it."

Richard: *holding little girl.* "What is your name anyway?"

Small child: "Sumora."

Richard: "What a sweet name."

Thus, the disgruntled two river boys, an exasperated Kalhan, little Sumora, and Richard, all start off in search of a small puppy named Odis.


	3. Chapter 3

Wheel of truth

Chpt 3

Two weeks into the groups three week voyage they finally come across a small town with an inn.

Kalhan: "Thank the spirits." *runs strait for the baths*

Mat: *rushes to the bar* "Two pints on the rocks,"

Bartender: "Erm, if you say so." *hands Mat two cups with ale and rocks.*

Mat: *chokes on rocks*

Rand: "Anyone see were little Sumora got off to?"

Richard: "I thought I saw her run towards the well."

Mat: *hack* *struggling to breath*

Woman: *from outside* "Help! He's got my purse!"

Richard: *leaping onto table* *in manly voice* "Never fear!" *Draws sword of Truth* "for Richard Rhal is here." *leaps off table and rushes out side.* *screams and shouts are shortly heard*

Mat: *now turning blue*

Perrin: *smacks Mat on back so hard his face hits the counter top*

Mat: *no longer chocking but clutched a bloody nose* "What is wrong with you?"

Perrin: *giant shoulder slump* "I'm sorry, I guess I don't know my own strength."

Mat: "Not you," *points at bartender* "You put rocks in my ale!"

Bartender: *distracted by screaming people.* "Just what is that fellow doing?"

Random drunkard: "Does't matt'r. ts' Richard Rhal."

Bartender: "Ah, I see."

Mat: "Oy! I'm talking to you, you light curst son for goat. Why did you put rocks in my ale?"

Bartender: *eyeing Mat* "You're with Lord Rhal?"

Mat: "You mean that crazy bloke with a sword?"

Bartender: *nods*

Perrin: *incredulous* "He's a lord?"

Bartender: "Aye, not just any Lord. He's The Seeker, master of Dhara."

Mat: "Right, so why did--"

Perrin *whisper to Mat* "These people are ruled by a madman what do you expect?"

Rand: *staring out the window* *a man on fire runs by* "You think we should put a stop to it?"

Bartender: "Best not get involved."

Richard: *rushes back into the pub breathing heavily and covered in blood* "Get down!"

Bartender/drunkard: * throw themselves to the floor*

Mat: "What is wrong with yo--"

*a snarling beast pops out of thin air and throws itself at Mat*

Mat: "Ahhh!" *both tumble to the other side of the counter*

Perrin: *mouth froth* *pulls out hammer* *jumps on counter and starts beating the beast*

*suddenly beast disappears* *Perrin still swinging hammer smashes Mat in the gut!*

Mat: *Covered in deep gashes* "Gah!"

Richard: *Jumps to one of the tables again* "Stay down."

Rand: *starts wiggling fingers and toes, and just because he can, his nose*

Perrin *swerving his head from side to side* *hammer at the ready*

*beast appears throwing itself at Richard* *Richard prepares to jab beast in the guy but before the beast get close enough, Rand Balefires the poor blighter out of existence.*

Richard: "Hey! You stole my mojo!"

Rand: *shrug* "Sorry,"

Richard: "You don't sound very."

Perrin: *Looking down at Mat* "Um we got a problem."

Richard: "I got this!" *giving Rand a contemptuous look* *rushes to Mat* "I'm a war wizard."

Mat: "No, no, I'm fine." *somehow manages to get on his feet.* "See, nothing but a few scratches," *blood spills out of his mouth as he talks.* "Nothing to concern yourselves with." *smiles* *faints*

Kahlan: *coming down from her bath* *looks to the ruined common room and random screaming villagers* *sigh* "What happened this time?"

Sumora: *enters the pub soaking wet.* "I fell in a well."

Richard: *starts to heal Mat* "Spirits! It's cold!"

Perrin: *removes fox medallion* "Try now*

Mat: *sits blot upright* "See, right as rain water."

Richard: "That's because I healed you."

Mat: *discouraged* "Oh,"

Rand: "Should I even bother asking what that was?"

Perrin: "Probably not."

Richard: *forlorn* "It was The Beast."

Bell: *rushes into pub* "Beast!" *rushes out*

Bartender: *slowly peeking over the counter top* "Oye! My pub!" *swerves to Mat* "You owe me a new slipper!"

Mat: "But I didn't do anything."

Bartender: "And I do not squeal like a girl!"

Mat: "What?"

Flicker: *cough*

Truemythewise: "What?"

Flicker: "Come one, Disney? Really? Just where are you going with this story?"

Truemythewise: *scowl*

*a candle on the wall of the pub, a lone survivor among all the ruin, stands alone, his fallen comrades scattered and torn about the room. His flame FLICKERS and goes out*

*Meanwhile no one notices*

Bartender: "That's right cough it up,"

Drunkard: *t's aligh', Mat." *coughs up slipper onto Bartender's hand*

Mat: "EWE!"

Bartender: *shakes it off* "It'll do," *opens backroom door and leaves*

Sumora: "Doesn't anyone care that I fell in a well?"

Drunkard: "You're mama!"

Sumora: *tears up and runs to Kahlan.*

Kahlan: "There, there, he's just a drunkard."

Perrin: "Umm, I think we better get out of here."

Richard: "Why?"

Perrin: "Because a mob of angry villagers is heading this way," *ducks just as an axe flies through the window and strikes the drunkard in the back*

Drunkard: "T's Alrigh', Mat" *coughs up blood* "We'll see each other again som'day."

Richard: *starts to draw sword of truth* *Rand stops him by wiggling is fingers*

Rand: "Think that's caused enough trouble for one day."

Richard: "Oye, you can do magic!"

Perrin: "Now really isn't the time." *runs for the back door as forks, spoons and knifes fly through the broken window.*

Mat: "Aren't you a little slow? He just did it to kill THE BEAST."

Bell: *rushes down stars* "Beast!" *rushes back up.*

*The others quickly follow Perrin as the mob enters the pub.*


	4. Chapter 4

Wheel of truth

Chpt 4

The group rushes through the street of the small down. Random villages chase after them armed with anything they could get their hands on.

Yong woman: *throws pillow at Richard and bounces harmlessly off his head.*

Richard: *stops dead and the group stops with him* *turns around slowly* *breaths heavily* *heavily breathing* *does not breath lightly* *breaths deeply* *time was his* "I AM THE BRIGER OF DEATH! RAAAAAAAAAARG RICHARD ANGRY!" *Draws out sword of truth* *ring* ring*

Kahlan: "Hello?"

Richard's sword: *ring* *ring*

Kahlan: "He-hello?"

Richard's sword: *ring* *ring*

Kahlan: "Hel--"

Rand: "You have a bad connection!"

Richard: *swings his sword* *moves his sword in a swinging motion* *his sword swings towards the woman's neck* *The Sword of Truth, with the words Truth spelt out at the hilt swings towards the woman who threw a harmless pillow at his head's neck* *annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnd chops off her head*

Rand: "OMG!"

Perrin: "Oh, no you didn't!"

Mat: "What is--" *stops* "You know what, I'm not going to even ask."

Rand: "I can't believe you just did that!"

Perrin: *Looks sadly down at the woman.*

Richard: "If she would have had a brick she would've killed me."

Rand: "You killed a woman!" *falls to his knees before the headless woman* "Moiraine Damodred, died, died because of my weakness, Lair of sunset valley, died for me, princess peach, wonder woman…."

Kalhan: "Oh, for the spirits sake! Will you get up?"

Richard: "Umm is he okay?"

Mat: "Why would you do that?"

Rand: "Isabella Swan, Ginny Weasly, Wonderer…"

Village man: "You set fire to my son! Die!" *rushes Perrin with a pitchfork*

Perrin: *dodges out of the way* "What? No I didn't." *evades another jab* "Will you stop poking me with that thing?" *doesn't move in time, nicks a bit of his skin.* *golden eyes flash* "I'm going to ask you one more time--"

Village man: "Die witch!"

Perrin: *mouth froth* *hand reaches for hammer, but Richard steps in and cuts off another poor blokes head*

Perrin: "Hey--"

Richard: "Rrrraaaaaaarg! Richard angry!"

Rand: "Mrs. Muffet,"

Sumora: *starts to cry*

Mat: "Hey, I forgot you were here"

Rand: "Who sat on a tuffit."

*More villagers come running at them.* *A spoon rebounds off Kahlan's head.* *she swerves grabbers her attacker by the throat* *There was an impact to the air* *a loud fart without sound*

Rand: "Marry and her little lamb," *choke* "Oh, god what is that?"

Villagers: "Oh, god! What's that smell?" *One by one they all faint*

Kahlan: *smooth's skirt* "Now, if we may be on our way."

*The group scramble to follow her.*

Samora: *holding on to Kalhan's hand, turns her head and smirks at the piles of unconscious bodies.*


	5. Chapter 5

Wheel of Truth

Chpt 5

Once again the group is camp outside. This time Richard found a wayward pine for them all to sit in. There is an awkward silence as everyone munches on their fish and slurps down their spiced soup.

Sumora: "I miss Odis."

Kahlan: "There, there, we'll find him."

Rand: "If it means the end to millions of lives, don't worry, we'll find your dog."

Richard: "Now you're starting to see things my way."

Two rivers folk: *Rolls eye*

Sumora: "Can somebody tell me a bedtime story?"

There was another awkward silence.

Richard: *smile* "Okay, you ugly little thing."

Sumora: *giggle*

Richard: "You hideous little creature,"

Sumora: *giggles but cut's off a little short.*

Richard: "You pathetic waist of life."

Sumora: *bottom lip start's to quiver*

Richard: "You wretched little urchin. You mother probably hated you and killed your dog."

Sumora: "Starts to cry*

Kahlan: "Richard."

Richard: "Right, the story. Once upon of time there was a little girl named Sally May. Everyone hated her and then she died. The end."

More awkward silence.

Mat: *awkwardly pokes his food*

Perrin: *awkwardly chews on fish*

Rand: *awkwardly slurps soup*

Kalhan: *gives the girl an awkward pat*

Sumora: "I'm not hungry." *pushes food away…awkwardly*

Flicker: "Okay, we get it! Stop dragging it out!"

Truemythewise: "You know, I am kinda dragging you out. I mean, you're not even originally from me. You're just like a fan fic of a fan fic and that's just sad."

Flicker: *Bottom lip pout*

Truemythewise: "Oh, don't give me that. You don't even have lips."

Flicker: "Well, that did hurt."

Truemythewise: "Anyways."

Sumora: *curls up into a ball with her blanket.* *turns her back on the entire group and glares at the wall*

A few minutes if silence. The fire flickers and pops.

Flicker: *giggle*

Truemythewise: "Oh, shut up."

Mat: *quietly* "You think maybe the girl's mother did kill her dog?"

Kahlan: *shoots Mat a warning look.*

Perrin: *scratches his beard* "I don't know…" *a sudden idea dawns on him.* *exaggerated yawn* "I'm going to sleep." *flops down and immediately starts snoring softly*

Rand: "Come to think of it… What was she doing three weeks away from her home in the middle of the woods?"

Richard: *dignified cough* "I'm the Seeker of Truth here so I will be doing the questioning."

Rand: *mutters under breath* *giggles* *mutters under breath some more*

Mat: *fiddles with fox medallion* *gives Rand an uneasy look*

Richard: *looks from one to the other.* "Everything alright?"

Mat: "Hmm, what? Yes, yes, everything's fine"

Rand: *unruffled* *continues to mutter and giggle*

Mat *scoots away from Rand and closer to Richard* *pauses* *Unable to decide which would be safer* *sighs* *ends up somewhere in the middle*

Meanwhile…

In Perrin's wolf dream.

Perrin: *waking up in a cave full of wolves*

Wolf #1: "Attention, our wolf brother, Young bull is among us."

Perrin: "Wow, I wasn't sure if it'd work here or if the wolves would recognize me."

Wolf#2: "Well, we do. If only for the sake of the plot"

Wolves: *all together* "For the sake of the plot."

Perrin: "Erm, right. Can you help me find a dog named Otis?"

Wolves: *look to one another*

Wolf# 1 "What do you think we are?"

Wolf# 2: "Why is it that you only seek us out when you need help? Any other time you ignore us. I mean, never have you helped us--"

Hopper: "No, no, guys he did avenge my death."

Wolf# 2: "Yeah, but after you died. Had Young Bull not acted before hand you might not have died!"

Hopper: *opens snout to argue* "Actually that is a good point." *wolf glare at Perrin.*

Perrin: "Gee, guy's I'm sorry. I never knew you felt that way."

Wolf#1: "How could you not? Our entire language is based off of sense and emotion and images. WE FREAKEN SMELL FEELINGS! And I smell a lie on your two footed tongue." *growls*

Perrin: "Yeah, well. Okay, you guys are freaky! I mean, every time I see violence I want to bite through somebody's throat. I start frothing at the mouth like a have rabies--"

Wolf#1: "You heard that! Young Bull has rabies! Run!*

All wolves disappear out of the cave.

Perrin: "Oh, blood and bloody ashes!" *kicks cave wall*

Meanwhile, back in the wayward pine…

Rand had giggled himself to sleep, as well as everyone else, save Mat, who is entirely freaked out. After the others had fallen asleep, Mat moved to sit at the entrance to the wayward pine.

Mat: *grumbling* "Stuck with a much of flaming lunatics."

Sumora: *sitting up* "Oh, I don't think their crazy."

Mat: *jumps* *hits his head on roof* *falls back down* "I thought you were asleep."

Sumora: *shakes head slowly.* "I never sleep."

Mat: "But, in the second chapter you did."

Sumora: *shakes head again* "I was only pretending to."

Mat: "Oh, well, that's weird."

Perrin: *mutters in sleep.* "Rabies…"

Sumora: "Have you ever killed anyone?"

Mat: "Um, well. Sometimes I have to defend myself and when someone's trying to kill me then I do my best to protect myself."

Sumora: "Do you think my mother killed my dog?"

Mat: "No, no, that guy with the sword is just crazy."

Sumora: "Which one?"

Mat *noticing both Rand and Richard have a sword* " Umm, both, both of them are crazy."

Sumora: "Oh,"

Pause

Mat: "Sumora, why don't you sleep?"

Sumora: "My mother pushed me in a well."

Mat: *freeze* "Why, why would she do that?"

Sumora: "She said I hunted her dreams. She pushed me in a well and put the lid on. For seven days I cried out in darkness and then drowned. If you go down there, you can find my finger nails stuck in the muddy walls…"

Mat: "I'm, I'm sorry, Sumora. It seems everyone here is just--"

Sumora: "Crazy?"

Mat: "Yeah. Wait… you died. How can you be--" *Mat remembering 'to die and live again' shudders* "Never mind. I don't want to know. Why don't we just go back to--"

Sumora: "Sleep?"

Mat: "um"

Sumora: "I NEVER SLEEP!" *throws herself at mat* *mouth growing impossibly wide* *her limbs jerk awkwardly*

Mat: "Oh, light!"

Richard: "Oye, you wake up." *kicks Mat*

Mat: *lunges forward.* "Don't eat me!"

Perrin: "You alright Mat?"

Mat: "What?" *looks around panting*

Perrin: "I said, are you alright?"

Mat: *realizing it was a dream.* "Yes, yes I'm fine."

Sumora: *yawn* *pout to Kahlan* "I didn't sleep last night."

Kahlan: "There, there." *tickles Sumora*

Sumora: *giggles*

Mat: *shudders* "Just a dream"


	6. Chapter 6

Wheel of Truth

The group of four men, one woman, and one small little girl, make their way through the brush of um… the ***** woods. It has been two days since the last wayward pine, in which Mat had his oh so freaky dream with little Sumora and thus far has been having similar nightmares every day sense… So… for the past two days.

Anyway.

Rand: "Don't you people have horses in this light curst world."

Kahlan: "Richard doesn't eat meat."

Rand/Perrin *share questioning looks* *Mat did not join in because he was too busy shooting Sumora frightful stars, who didn't notice because she was sucking on her shirt sleeve*

Rand: "What does that have to do with anything?"

Richard: *dignified* "I don't believe in animal cruelty."

Rand: *thinking better not to ask. He doesn't ask* "I'm not going to ask."

Perrin: *opens mouth.* *but decides not to bother* "I'm not going to bother…" *blinks at the stupidity of the two bland statements*

Mat: *edging closer to Rand and Perrin* *whisper* "Um, you two having nightmares?"

Perrin: *shifty eye* *remembering wolves* "No… Why, why would I be dreaming about wolves and… no I mean…" *trails off*

Rand: *remembering Lewis Therin* *cough* "Course not"

Lewis Therin: "Yey! I get to be in this fic! I thought you had for gotten me Rand! Haha, know what we should do?"

Rand: *Groan*

Lewis Therin: "We should kill the little girl." *giggle* "Yes, yes kill the little girl."

Rand: *under breath* "Kill the little girl…"

Mat: *nods* "I knew I wasn't the only one!"

Perrin: *???* "What? Why. Why would you do that?"

Rand: "Huh, what? I didn't say anything. Nope. Not me. I don't hear voices." *nervous laugh* "Nope. Defiantly don't want to go on any killing rampage any time soon."

Mat: *disappointed* "Never mind. I guess." *looks to Sumora* *shudders* "I'll go over here now." *goes over here*

After a few minutes of walking in silence…

Richard: "Bla! I'm bored!"

Kahlan: "We could speed ahead to something interesting."

Richard: "Nah. I'll just—ooo what's this!!!?" *spotting a sword in a Stone and a little boy sitting next to it* "Hello little, boy. My names Richard Rhal."

Little boy: "Oh," *jumps to feet* *shifty eye* "Hello… I'm Arthur."

*music in the background starts* "Hey! What a wonderful time of day! It's time to laugh and play! And get along with each other!*

Perrin: *mouth froth* *rushes over to background singing children* *struggles* "I'm a man not a wolf. A man not a wolf! I'M A MAN!"

Mat: "Okay, okay you're a man."

Arthur: "Just go away will you."

Singing children: "Awww…" *shoulder slump and sadly walk away*

Rand: "… Well, that was random."

Richard: "Hahaha! Good one!"

Rand: "Huh?"

Richard: "RANDom hahaha!"

Rand: "… ha funny."

Arther: "um, I'll just be going now."

Richard: "Hey not so fast little guy. What were doing there next to that sword in the stone?"

Kahlan: *sigh* "Richard, do we have to ask every person we come across what they are doing and 'help' solve their problems?"

Richard: *raptor gaze* "I'm The Seeker of Truth! I must Seek the Truth."

Kahlan: "…whatever."

Richard: "Well, go on."

Arthur: "Well, um I was trying to pull it out."

Rand: "… Why does this sound familiar?" *scratches head*

Richard: "But you didn't?"

Arthur: "Well, I didn't exactly pull on it yet."

Sumora: *rolls eyes* "Who cares about a stupid sword in a stone. I want to find my dog!"

Mat: "No, no this sounds really important." *rushes to Arthur.* "So, why didn't you try pulling it?"

Richard: "Hey! I'm the Seeker of Truth here!"

Mat: "Right, sorry."

Richard: *clears throat* "So, why didn't you pull it out?"

Arthur: "Um, because if I took out the sword, the stone would tear."

Rand: "Hmmm… I swear this sounds really familiar."

Flicker: "okay we get it. Haha funny, really funny…"

Truemythewise: "Shut up, this is just a filler."

Flicker: "You actually have a plot with this?"

Truemythewise: "Sad, isn't it?"

Flicker: "… do I die at the end?"

Truemythewise: *Rolls eyes*

Richard: "Why don't you go pull it?"

Arthur: "Um, okay, but Merlin might get angry."

Harry potter: *appearateing* "Merlin's beard!" *disapperate*

Arthur: *walks over to sword* *tugs* *pulls it out* *stone tears*

Stone: "Waaaaaaaaaaa!"

Mat: "It's crying!"

Stone: "Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!"

Sumora: "shut up!" *kicks stone*

Stone: "waaaaaaaaa!"

Arthur: *sigh* "I knew I shouldn't have. It's the stone of tears…"

Richard: "GA! Make it stop! Put it back! Put it back!"

Stone: "Waaaaaa" "Waaaaaaaaaaa" "Waaaaaaaaaaaa"

Arthur: *scrambles to put sword back* "It's not working"

Rand: "Oh for the light's sake!" *wiggles fingers and toes* *balefires stone out of existence*

*at that moment there was a loud ripping sound* *a torn veil suddenly appeared before the group*

Richard: "Dear spirits! You tore the veil!"

Rand: "The veil?"

Richard: "It's what separates the world of life from the world of death. It's what keeps the keeper in the underworld."

Rand: *giggle*

Richard: "And just what is so funny?"

Rand: "You said keep's keeper."

Richard: "Don't you realize what you've done? Now I have to go to the Wizards Keep in Adrial to find out how to close it again."

Rand: *sarcastic* "Gee, well isn't that too bad."

Richard: "But it must wait."

Perrin: "Why?"

Aunt Petunia: "Don't ask questions!" *walks away briskly*

Richard: *dramatic* "Sumora, we have to find her dog."

Rand: *rolls eyes* "Of course."

Kahlan: "Shouldn't we set up guards around it or something?"

Richard: "No, no I don't think anything's going to be coming out till nightfall."

Kahlan: "Yeah, that's why we should guard it."

Richard: "Don't question me woman!" *struts off*

Mat: *staring at eerie gapping veil* "So, we're just going to leave it?"

Perrin: *mutters* "Doubt anyone will notice the difference with the amount of insanity that usually goes on."

Mat: *nods* "True enough"

Group starts to leave

Arthur: "Wait! What am I going to tell Merlin?" *chases after them with the sword that is too big for him* *trips on a root and the sword plunges through is stomach* "Gaa."

The group continues on, oblivious, except Sumora.

Sumora: *turns back and smirks at dying boy.* "I'm the only little kid in this story."

Kahlan: "What was that?"

Sumora: "Nothing, I'm playing whisper."

Kahlan: *amused* "How do you play?"

Sumora: *giggle* "Whisper! Whisper! Whisper!"

Richard: *chuckle* "I think that's a little _loud_ for a whisper."

Everyone laughs at the gay joke, save the two rivers boys, meaning only Kahlan, Richard, and Sumora laugh.


	7. Chapter 7

Wheel of Truth

Chpt 7

The night was quite. Not a cricket chirped or owl hooted. The wind was still, yet a veil, torn strait down the middle, swayed silently from side to side. It glowed eerily in the moonless night, casting strange shadows that cringed and scuttled about the earth.

Flicker. Flicker. Flicker.

A form began to materialize within the veil.

Flicker. Flicker. Flicker.

Whoosh! A slender man with long dark hair and a once young and handsome face, came flying out of the veil. A laugh lingered on his lips. He struck the ground with a small *Ooph* and landed flat on his back.

Sirius Black: *rising and dusting self off* *Looks around at surroundings* "Huh, could have sworn I was dead." *turns back to the Veil* "So this is what's on the other side…"

*At that moment there was another series of flickers, and another figuring came hurling out, much smaller than the first and wearing a very particular cape.*

Sirius Black: *Unable to scramble away in time, is stuck to the ground once again as the second figure crashes into him.*

Second figure female: "Die! Die! Die Ruin, die!" *she shoots to her feet in a blur.*

Sirius Black: *backing away* "Easy now, girl. I'm not Ruin."

Girl: *whips out a pair of glass daggers* *crouches and snarl's at Sirius.* "Who are you?"

Sirius Black: "Just calm down. Um did you just die by any chance?"

Girl: *hesitates, but nods*

Sirius Black: "So did I." *glances uneasily at daggers.* "You can put those away, I'm not going to hurt you."

Girl: *gives Sirius suspicious look, but quickly slips her daggers back up her sleeves.* *she straightens* "You still haven't answered my question."

Sirius Black: "Forgive me," *gives a little bow* "I'm Sirius Black, and you are?"

Girl: *continues to glare at Sirius* "Vin, Vin Venturd."

Meanwhile back to the people who matter.

Kahlan: "Paty cake, paty, cake"

Sumora: "a baker man"

Kahlan: "bake me a cake as"

Sumora: "Fast as you can."

Mat: *groan* "Will you two quit it? I'm trying to sleep."

Perrin: "But we just set up camp."

Mat: *Mocking* "But we just set up camp"

Perrin: "Sheesh what's your problem?"

Mat: *glare* "Can't you smell it?"

Perrin: *rubs nose* "Of course not, what makes you think I can smell emotion." *nervous giggle* "That's crazy"

Mat: *confused* "I was talking about Rand's foot, its right in my face."

Rand: *who had been muttering and still is* "Yes, yes, kill them. No, no, I'm not mad."

Mat: *smacks Rand foot* "Move your foot Rand"

Rand: *startled* "What, I wasn't saying anything."

Mat: "Course you weren't, now move your bloody foot."

Rand: *moves foot* "Somebody's grouchy.*

Richard: "Sumora,"

Sumora: *just finishing game* "Huh?"

Richard: "Just what does Otis look like?"

Sumora: "Weeeeeeeeeel, he's small, has a squashy face and a cute little curly tail."

Richard: *scribbling on note pad* "Uh, huh, and what color is his fur?"

Sumora: "He has a black face and off white fuzzy body."

Mat: *under breath* "You're very descriptive for a little girl."

Kahlan: "That's cuz you're a smart little girl." *baby voice* "Aren't you just the smartest little girl in the world?"

Sumora: *giggle*

Rand: *coming out of his mutters* "Hey, whatever happened to that Arthur boy?"

Sumora: *giggles cut short*

Richard: "Probably trip on a root and impaled himself with his sword."

Kahlan: *Hit's Richard* "That's terrible."

Richard: "Your face is terrible."

Everyone laughs for some reason, except Kahlan.

Kahlan: *sarcastic* "Funny."

The following morning everyone wakes well rested, well everyone except Mat anyway, who had another nightmare involving Sumora and a giant chainsaw, cept he didn't know it was called a chainsaw because he'd never seen one. But even in his dream he knew it was dangerous so ran from it none the less.

Perrin: "Mat, you don't look so good."

Mat: "Burn my bones if I don't. Bloody nightmares, burn that wretched little girl."

Perrin: "You mean Sumora?"

Mat: *squinty eye at Perrin* "I swear that little blighter is out to get me."

Perrin: *glances at Sumora, who is insistently skipping along beside Kahlan.* "Erm, if you say so."

Mat: *grabs Perrin by the shirt cuff* "I'm not crazy! Rand's crazy!"

Rand: *rubbing hands together in glee* "Sammael, oh, yes, but Demandred first. First of all I rid myself of him, then Sammael. Oh, yes…"

Truemythewise: "Yes that is a wheel of time quote taken straight out of Lord of Chaos and is one of my favorite moments"

Flicker: *sitting smugly*

Truemythewise: *glances sideways at Flicker* "What no cruel remarks?"

Flicker: "Huh, oh no, I just can't get over the beginning scene. It was pure brilliance."

Truemythewise: "Yes, you preformed very well. Now if Darkhound doesn't have my head for steeling you away and flaunting you about shamelessly before readers, I might actually enjoy you a little bit…"

Perrin: *giving Rand a quick sideways glance* "Yeah,"

Mat: "There's something not right about that girl."

Perrin: "And just what is right in this world ruled by a mad man?"

Mat: *releasing Perrin* "Good point, though, come to think of it, Rand isn't much better."

Perrin: "What's he got to do with anything?"

Mat: "Well, he's sort of a ruler back home and he's crazy."

Perrin: Yeah, but at least he doesn't go on random killing rampages."

Mat/Perrin: "Yet…"

Rand: "Oh, yess Demandred first."

Mat/Perrin: "shudder"

Richard: *giggle* "You said RANDom!"


	8. Chapter 8

Wheel of Truth

Chpt 8

Seven days sense the groups last visit to town they came across another one, which also happened to be seven days after Mat's first frightful dream of Sumora. Before anyone could get into any trouble aka 'before Richard found a reason to whip out The Sword of Truth, Kahlan forced everyone to the baths. It had been nearly a month sense anyone besides Kahlan and Sumora had even seen water. Their arrival sent many villagers back into their homes. Mothers cradled their children and young smelly boys rushed to the tubs.

Anyway… after a nice boring bath, Mat rushed down to the bar with every intention of drinking himself into a nice coma.

A hooded woman sat in a corner weeping softly and muttering under her breath. Keeping his goal firmly in mind, Mat ignored her.

Mat: "Give me your hardest drink,"

Bartender#2: "Eah, you don't look so good lad. Think all you need is a nice good sleep."

Mat: *whips out spear thingy* "Just give me a bloody drink!"

Bartender#2: "Alright," *wonders to the back room*

At that moment, two people enter the bar. One man wearing shaggy robes and carrying a stick, his face looked to be hansom once, the other, a young girl wearing pants and a threaded cloak. Mat gave them as much notice as the candle in chapter 3.

Bartender#2: *returning with metal mug and placing it in front of Mat* "On the house."

Mat: *snatches mug and drains it.* *after a moment he glares at Bartender#2* "This is water!" *he makes to throw the mug at the bartender, but the young girl in the threaded cloak snatches it out of his hand.*

Vin: *sniffs cup* *licks it* *starts to gnaw on it*

Mat: *spares girl a brief glance.* *shrugs, and takes it in stride*

Bartender#2: "Why don't you just head up stares and get yourself some good sleep,"

Mat: *jumps up on counter* *grabs Bartender#2 by shirt cuff* "I can't bloody sleep!"

Richard: *coming down stars* "Can't sleep? I can help you with that." *takes a seat next to Mat*

Mat: *groan*

Vin: *continues to gnaw and watch*

Sirius: *eyes weeping woman*

Weeping woman: *weeps*

Richard: "Really, it's easy. All you have to do is repeat after me."

Mat: *looks hopelessly at Richard*

Tamon: *bursting out of back door* "Hakuna ma tata, what a wonderful phrase—"

Bartender#2: "Nope, sorry, too silly. Move along" *nudges Tamon back through door.*

Tamon: *grumbles and leaves*

Richard: *after a pause* "Anyway. Here's what you gotta do." *clears throat* "Say, Master Rhal guide me. Master Rhal protect me. In your light I thrive, in your wisdom I am sheltered, I live only to serve. My life is yours." *smiles at Mat*

Mat: "… there is no way I'm saying that."

Richard: "It will cure you of your nightmares."

Vin: "Owe! My tooth!"

Sirius: "That's what you get for gnawing on metal."

Weeping woman: *weeps*

Mat: *to Bartender#2* "Just give me something!"

Bartener#2: "Alright fine." *gives Mat a pint of ale*

Mat: *checks it for rocks before taking a swing*

Richard: *noticing weeping woman* *rushes to her* "How can I help you?"

Weeping woman: *mutters*

Richard: *nods* *takes out sword of truth and cuts off the woman's head*

Mat: *comically spits ale out all over Bartender#2* "Why! Oh blood and ashes why?"

Vin: *stops nibbling* *stares at Richard*

Sirius: *stares shocked*

Richard: *eyes bulge* "Rrrrrrrrrrrarg! Richard angry" *runs outside*

Mat: "Blood and ashes!" *runs after him*

Meanwhile upstairs in the rented room

Perrin: "Rand, do you think maybe we should just find some other people to take us to Adriel?"

Rand: "NO! I AM THE DRAGON REBORN!"

Perrin: "Why?" *shocked by sudden outburst*

Rand: "What? Huh, what did you say?"

Perrin: *shudders* "Never mind. You know where Mat is?"

Rand: "Probably gambling at the--"

Perrin: "Bar, right, thanks"

*rushes out and down to bar.*

Meanwhile back at the scene of madness

Richard: *hacking random villager to pieces*

Mat: *throws himself at Richard and struggles to take the sword from him* "Will you stop killing people!"

Armless woman: *runs away screaming*

Other villagers groan and struggle to get away from Richard.

Richard: "They're with the Order!" *bites Mat*

Mat: "Owch, what?" *gives up on any grip of sanity* "Just let go you!"

Richard: "the lady told me they are all with them!" *crazy eyes on Mat* "Your with them too!"

Mat: "What! No I'm not."

Richard: "That's why you won't worship me! You're with the Order!"

Mat: *start to argue* *stops* "You know what. Be my guest" *releases Richard* "I'm out of here. Have fun with your little massacre thing." *starts to walk back to the bar*

Richard: "You have Jagang in your brain! Die!" *runs at Mat*

Mat: "Ahh!" *runs around in a circle with Richard chasing him*

A chicken clucks.

Richard: *swerves and sees the chicken disappear into an ally. *grits teeth and rushes after it*

Mat: *not aware that Richard is no longer chasing him.* *continues to run in circles* *his foot hits a rock and he trips and stumbles ridiculously into the middle of town and falls down a well* * swims to the surface and spits water out of his mouth* "Help!" *his words echo off the walls of the well* "Somebody help!"

Sumora: *peeks head over the surface of the well and looks down at Mat*

Mat: *sees figure* "Help throw the bucket down!"

Sumora: *giggle* "bye!"

Mat: *realizing who it is* "Sumora! No! No!"

Sumora: "Bye, bye" *giggles*

There is a grinding sound as Sumora slides the lid over the well.

Mat: "No! SUMORA NO!" *swims over to muddy wall and tries to get a hold* *his finger pricks something.* *the last thing he sees as Sumora closes the lid is little fingernails stuck inside the walls. "SUMORA!" *only his echo answers him* *quietly, almost a whimper* "What happened to my bloody luck?"

Meanwhile back at the bar

Perrin: "Has anyone seen a man with a brimmed hat and a spear thingy around here?"

Vin: *nods* "He ran out that way after a man with a sword"

Perrin: *noticing headless woman* "Huh. Well, tell him Perrin was looking for him when he comes back" *goes back upstairs*

Richard: *returning with dead chicken* "That's right you little evil chicken. I'm going to eat you." *continues to coo to it all the way up the stairs*


	9. Chapter 9

Wheel of Truth

Chapter 9

The following morning Rand, Perrin, Richard, Kahlan, and Sumora all head down to the kitchen to plot how best to find Otis. Sirius and Vin eye the table the group has chosen to sit at, though none of them notice because they are too busy arguing. However, everyone in the bar does their best to ignore the body of the headless woman sprawled on the floor. It is now starting to stick.

Kahlan: "I say we split up into groups and go door to door asking if anyone has seen Otis."

Perrin: "I would agree, but most of the villagers are afraid of us." *jerks his thumb at headless woman.* "Someone got a little edgy last night."

Everyone shoots a quick glare at Richard.

Richard: *sullenly* "She was with the order…"

Kahlan: *rolls eyes* "That's what you always say."

Richard: *defensive* "Well it's true!" *dignified* "A Seeker never lies! We seek the truth!"

Rand: "Anyway, this could work to our advantage. Perhaps the villagers are now more willing to corporate. A good dose of fear always does the body good."

Perrin: *angry squinty eye at Rand* "You sound like a tyrant."

Rand: "You're mama."

Perrin: *sober* "My mama's dead."

Pause….

Rand: *looks away* "Right sorry."

Perrin: "It's wrong to use people. We have to do this ourselves." *stands up* "These villagers have been through enough, interrogating them will only make things worse. I see no reason to--"

Sumora: *yawns loudly* "Anyway, maybe we should start looking where I last saw Otis."

Richard: "That's a great idea!"

Perrin: "Hey I was talk--"

Rand: *ignoring Perrin.* "but, it's been over a month since you last seen your dog. Why would it still be there?"

Richard: "Bah! Stop making sense. Everyone follow me!" *rises* *pauses* "Erm. I mean, Sumora lead the way!"

Sumpra: *sticks tongue out at Rand*

Rand: *sticks tongue out back at her*

Kahlan: "Will you two quit it? People are staring" *just noticing Sirius and Vin, who have been blatantly watching them the whole time*

Rand/Sumora: *stop and do their best to act natural* *fail*

Everyone rise casually, or attempt to anyway. They are too stiff and hardly move their feet when they walk. They do such a good job at not looking at Vin and Sirius when they exit the pub, that they don't notice when the two follow after them.

Sumora leads the group and the two stalkers to a place not to far away from town. There is a cave. She points to it when they arrive. Vin and Sirius slip up a tree.

Sumora: "He ran in there."

Rand: "You didn't go in after him?"

Sumora: *shakes head* "I'm afraid of the dark."

Perrin: "Did you wait for him to come out?"

Sumora: *shakes head again* "No, I was scared when he ran in there so I ran away."

Richard: "Alright, we'll go in and look for him"

Everyone heads for the cave, except Sumora.

Sumora: "Wait! I can't go in there! Don't leave me out here all alone!" *runs and grabs Kahlan's hand.* *looks up teary eyed*

Kahlan: *sigh* "I'll wait out here with her."

The rest of the group head into the cave.

Richard: *under breath* "There's never a shortage of caves here."

Perrin/Rand: *give him a questioning look*

Richard: "Never mind."

They follow the cave, which seems more like a tunnel. Shortly they come to a three way fork.

Rand/Perrin/Richard: *share a look*

Richard: "I'll take the right."

Perrin: "left"

Rand: "Umm,"

Perrin: *arches eyebrow* "Center?"

Rand: "Yeah that one."

Meanwhile back outside

Sumora: "I have to pee."

Kahlan: "Oh, alright."

Sumora: *lets go of Kahlan's hand and goes to the bushes.* *she looks around to make sure no ones looking* *pulls out a journey book* *scribbles inside it* [Jagang, I got them at the cave. The Mother Confessor is alone and the others will not be returning. They're in the cave of doooooooooooooooooom] *giggle*

Kahlan: *from far away* "What's so funny?"

Sumora: *looks up. Kahlan's not close enough to see what's she's doing* "A bug tickled my tummy button." *looks back at book*

Jangag: [Excellent work little darlin. Soon we will arrive and the mother confessor will be mine! Mwwahahahahahahahahahaaaa]

Sumora: *smiles and snaps Journey book shut*

Meanwhile in the tree

From above Sirius and Vin watch the two girls below, who are now in an intense game of paty cake.

Sirius: "So, why are we stalking them again?"

Vin: *offhandedly* "They're main characters."

Sirius: *straightens* "And just what is that supposed to mean?"

Vin: *gives Sirius a sideways glance* "If we hang around them we'll get to do something."

Sirius: "Like falling out of a veil and staring at them? Or maybe, just maybe, we'll get to say one or two lines and point somewhere."

Vin: *blush* "Shut up"

Sirius: "…I'm going to go talk to them."

Vin: *pewter grabs his wrist* "No you can't!"

Sirius: *tries to take his hand away.* *Fails.* *squinty eye at Vin.* "You have a strong grip."

Vin: *smirks* "I'm a Mistborn"

Sirius: "Right, and I'm a wizard. Now, why can't I go talk to them?"

Vin: "We have to wait for the right moment."

Sirius: "Right moment?"

Vin: "Well, it wont be dramatic if we just go talk to them now. We have to wait for our entrance."

Sirius: "and when will that be?"

Vin: *let's go of Sirius* *looks back to Kahlan and Sumora.* "Soon. Very soon."

Back at the cave of dooooooooooom, cept Richard/Perrin/Rand don't know it. Oh, and Kahlan too, cept she's not in this scene. Well, none of them are in this scene cept Richard.

Richard: *whistling down cavern tunnel.* *comes to another fork.* *Above one fork, written in high Daharin, reads, 'To Portal Stone.' Above the other, also written in High Daharin, reads, 'To the Truth.* "Hmmm,"

Richard: *looks from one to the other* "I must seek the truth," *heads down the truth fork."

At center fork

Rand:*walking down dark passage way.* *starts to get too dark to see* *starts to wiggle fingers.* *stops* **shrugs* *channels three balls of fire to fly around him and light the way*

Lewis Therrin: "Well isn't this fun! Just you and me walking down a long passage way in the dark, having no idea where or if it will end."

Rand: *pause* "Hey, that sounds more like me. You're the crazy one."

Lewis Therrin: *offended* "And just what is that supposed to mean?"

Rand: *rolls eyes* "Who was it that suggested to kill Sumora?"

Lewis Therrin: "Sumora? Stop talking none sense, movies can't kill you."

Rand: "What's a movies?" *remembers suddenly* "Oh, wow, man, I miss that."

Lewis Therrin: "I miss that! You don't know anything about it! You're practically a cave man!"

Rand: "What? No I'm not!"

Lewis Therrin: "You know, your lucky no ones around to hear you muttering to yourself. They'll think you're crazy."

Rand: *muttering* "I am not mutt--" *catches himself muttering* "Well, if I'm muttering it's your fault!"

Lewis Therrin: "Be quiet! I hear something."

Rand: "No, I hear something! This is my body! You're dead."

Lewis Therrin: "Shut up!"

Rand: "Right, sorry." *listens.*

Lewis Therrin: "It's coming from down the tunnel."

Rand: "Really? I had no idea. Where else would it be coming from?"

Lewis Therrin: "Stop talking to yourself!"

Rand: "You stop! It's my body!"

To the left

Perrin: *wolf eyes aglow* *sniffs* *catches the smell of dog* "Ah ha!" *follows after it.*

Truemythewise: "What will become of our heroes? Rand, Perrin, and Richard, stuck in the cave of doom, unawares to the danger lurking inside? Kahlan, playing an intense game of paty cake and loosing (don't ask me how you loose paty cake, somehow she managed it because after every round Sumora cheers and says 'I win!'), Vin and Sirius waiting impatiently for their entrance, and the most loserific bad guy of all time almost on top of all of them?"

Flicker: "Shut up… You suck at narrative wrap-ups…"

Truemythewise: *blows flicker out*


	10. Chapter 10

Deep down the truth tunnel, Richard blurts a shocking statement.

Richard: "It's dark!"

There is light, if obscure and without indication of source. Richard shrugs it off. At the end of the tunnel he comes to a little door, above it is a key.

Richard: *picks up key, crouches down and unlocks door.* *The tunnel is small.* *He'd have to crawl on his belly to get to the other side.* "I must Seek the Truth." *grits his teeth, and starts to slither his way down the tunnel.* *he didn't have to go far before reaching another door, little more than his body length* *Opens door, and tumbles onto a wooden floor.* *rises* "A house?"

A woman's soft singing can be heard. Richard follows it to the kitchen. He sees the back of his mothers head.

Richard: "Shorta! Why do you always do this? You must know how cruel it is to show someone their dead mother over and over again!" *reaches for Sword of Truth*

Woman: "I'm not Shorta," *she turns*

Richard: *hands freeze on sword hilt*

Woman: *has buttons sewn into the pits of her eyes.* "I'm your other mother." *dried crusty blood brims around the button."

Richard: "You're not my mother."

Other Mother: "I just told you. I'm your other Mother." *turns and resumes cooking*

Richard: *relaxes at not having to look at her horrible face.*

Other mother: "Why don't you got and get your father? Tell him dinners ready."

Richard: "My other father?"

Other mother: "Your better father, dear."

Richard: *unnerved* *goes out of the Kitchen and finds other Darken Rhal with his back turned to him. He is sitting at a piano bench* *Richard reaches for the sword of Truth.*

Other Darken: *spins around* *he too has button eyes, blood crusted, only their color is blue. His mouth is sewn with thick blood crusted black thread into a permitted smile.* "Hellooo, Richard!" *his mouth twitches when he talks and his words come out sluggish due to his inability to move his lips properly.*

Richard: *stares in horror at Other Darken.*

Other Darken: "Want me to sing you a song?"

Richard: *whimper* "No."

Other Darken: *spins back to the piano.* "Making up a song about Richard Rhal!"

Richard: *is too scared to move.*

Other Darken: "He doesn't wear overalls!"

Richard: *runs back to kitchen.*

Other Mother: *putting a bowl of lumps simmering in a thick red steaming liquid* *smiling at Richard.* "I'm so glad you're home."

Richard: *aghast.* "Home?"

Other Mother: "I made your favorite. Boiled blood soup with chicken eyes and human heart."

Richard: *looks back to steaming bubbling blood bowl.* "I got to go." *runs back to the room he came from.*

Other Mother: "Richard, where are you going?"

Richard: *dives for the door.* *struggles to get through tunnel* *halfway through someone grabs his feet* "Spirit!" *tries to grab hold of the floor as he's dragged back into Other home.* "HELP!"

Other Darken: *sewn smiling face inches from Richards.* "Don't worry, Richard."

Other Mother: *bends down.* *Arm stretches impossibly long.* *She reaches down the tunnel and pulls her arm back with the key.* *shuts little door, locks it, then swallows the key.*

Richard: *looks horrified back at Other Darken.*

Other Darken: "You're going to be with us…"

Other Darken/mother: "Forever,"

Meanwhile Elsewhere

Zed: "Bags! Not again!"

Armless woman: *spares the strangers a frightful glance before running away.*

Cara: "I thought he and Kahlan were on their way to Adreil to see a therapist."

Zed: *sigh* "This is Richard we're talking about. I swear the boy has a terrible case of ADD. He's not the most focused of people. Set him to do anything, sure he'll continue with it for a bit, but the moment something helpless, or needy comes along, and he's gone."

A one legged man hops past on a pair of crutches. He nods at Zed and Cara as they pass him. For the most part the villagers do their best to ignore them. They come to a stop at a well.

Zed: *watching one legged man hobble off.* "I just don't understand. Why does he have to kill mass amounts of people at every town he comes across?"

Cara: *defensive* "Well he is Lord Rhal. I would expect nothing less." *smirk*

Zed: *sits on well lid* "That's true enough." *pause* "Do you hear something?"

Cara: *frown*

Muffled shouts can be heard.

Cara: "I think someone's screaming."

Zed: "How can you tell?"

Cara: *gives him a look.* "I'm a mordsith. It's what I do."

Zed: "Right."

Cara/Zed: *listen.*

Cara: "Is that--"

Zed: *looks down at well lid.* "No!" *hops off*

Cara: *pushes lid off*

Zed/Cara: *looks down and see Mat.*

Mat: *horse* "Get me out of here!"

Zed: "Great Scot! There's a man down there!"

Cara: *looks to the sky* "Back to the Future? Really?"

Truemythewise: "Hey! None of that! I will not have characters interacting with the narrator. It totally destroys the third wall!"

Cara: *rolls eyes.*

Zed: *throws bucket down.*

Mat: *somehow manages to get a hold.*

Zed/Cara: *pull him up.*

Mat: *flops over well rim and lands on the ground.* *pants* *jumps to his feet.* *somehow he still has his spear thingy.* "Where is she?"

Zed: "I'm terribly sorry about this. Richard, he just doesn't know—"

Mat: "Where is Sumora?"

Zed: *blink* "Sumora?"

Mat: "Oh, never mind." *Starts towards the pub**mutters death threats in the old tongue under his breath.*

Zed: *frown* "Young man, what are you saying?"

Mat: *spins around* "I'm looking for a little girl, about yeay high, long black hair, and staying at that inn. Now, if you haven't seen her--"

Cara: "Sorry, can't help you. You haven't happened to see Richard Rhal have you?"

Mat: *slowly closes his eyes and then opens them.* "Probably in that pub killing Bartender#2"

Cara: *shakes head* "They left. Bartender#2 said we just missed them. You know where they were headed." *pauses* "He did mention a little girl of that description traveling with them."

Mat: *grits teeth* "They left???!!!! Didn't they notice I was gone!? Burn you Rand and Perrin! I thought you were my bloody friends! I swear I'm going to—" *brakes off into the old tongue again.*

Zed/Cara: *share a look.*

Zed: "Yep, definitely one of Richard's companions."

Mat: *breaks off his rant of dark promises.* "What is that supposed to mean? The man's a bloody lunatic!"

Cara: "Exactly."

Mat: *squinty eye glare*

Meanwhile back in the cave of doooooooom

Rand: *has ceased his internal psychotic argument and is now slowly and dangerously making his way down the tunnel. At the end he comes to a great stone door. Undistinguished sounds can be heard.* *frowns* *pushes stone door open.*

And finds a flock of penguins speaking in Jamaican accents and holding limes and coconuts.

Penguin#1: "Hey, man."

Penguin#2: "How can we help you today?"

Rand: "…you're talking."

Penguin#3: "Dat's right man!"

Penguin#1: *to flock of penguin's.* "Come on, let's show him how to do it."

Penguin's grab Rand and yank him into the huge domelike room. The stone door slams shut behind him.

Meanwhile outside the cave of dooooom

Kahlan: "They sure have been in there a while."

Sumora: *glances at the woods.* "It's a big cave."

Kahlan: *frown* "How do you know?"

Sumora: "It's bigger than me!" *giggle*

Kahlan: *special smile* *looks back to the cave* "Hope they don't take too much longer."

Meanwhile back in the cave of dooooom

Perrin: *follows the scent of the dog* *can now see the dogs tiny foot prints in stone.* *smiles* *rushes after oneward.*

Dog: "Yap!" *a really annoying bark.*

Perrin: *sees the tiny dog.* *just as Sumora described him.* *it's little stone footprints lead right to him.* "Come here puppy. Come on, come here Otis" *pauses.* *looks back to footprints made in stone.* "Oh, shit!"

Otis the Darkhound: "Yap!"

Perrin: "Light!" *turns tail and runs.*

Otis: *chases after Perrin*


	11. Chapter 11

Wheel of Truth

Chapter 11

Outside the cave of dooooooooom

Kahlan: *pacing back and forth.* "They've been in there awhile."

Sumora: *making a sand castle.* "Don't worry."

Crunch.

Kahlan: *frown* "Did you hear that?"

Sumora: *looks around.* "Hear what?"

Kahlan: *wonders over to where she heard the noise*

Jagang: *busting from behind a very small rock!* "Ah ha!"

Kahlan: *leaps back in surprise* "Waa!"

Sister of the dark: *runs out from behind a very thin tree.* *snaps rada han around Kahlan's neck.* *rubs hands together in glee and laughs.*

Kahlan: *feeling collar.* "What? You got to be kidding me! Again???!!!!" *mutters darkly.* "You think I might have learned to watch out for these things by now…"

Jagang: "Well, hello darlin seems I've got you at last. Again!"

Kahlan: "Richard won't stand for this. He'll soon becoming out."

Jagang: *cowers in mock fear.* "Woo, I'm scared." *smirks* *snaps his fingers.*

Sisters of the dark, hundreds of armored men with restarted toothy grins, come bursting out from behind bushes, climbing out from under small rocks, falling out of trees, some even came out from under Kahlan's own boot.

Kahlan: *staring at the army that now stood before her.* "I have to admit. That's pretty good."

Back up the tree

Sirius: "Things don't look too good down there. Should we make our entrance now?"

Vin: *crosses arms and watches the scene below.* "Not yet…"

Sirius: *rolls eyes.*

Down below

Jagang: "Good work Sumora." *throws candy at her*

Sumora: *rushes to pick it up.*

Kahlan: "Sumora , how could you?"

Sumora: *chewing on gumball.* *shrug* "Why not?"

Kahlan: *back to Jagang.* "You'll never get away, with this."

Jagang: "Raaaaaaaaaaaaaarg! Violence!" *screams in Kahlan's face.* *turns to his men* "Men chop down that tree to show how series we are!"

Kahlan: *wipes Jagang's spit from her face* *mock shutter.* "Oh, noses! Not the tree!"

*henchmen run up to the tree with a chain saw* *it immediately starts to fall.*

Up the tree

Sirius: "Crap!" *takes out his wand and points it at himself.* *turns into a huge dog.* "Bark" _oh, shit why did I do that?_ *his wand slips through his paws and falls to the earth*

Vin: *drops a coin and steel pushes herself into the air.*

Sirius: *sees Vin fly away.* "Bark!" _My wand! Come back help!_

The tree falls over and Sirius the dog somehow manages to stay on the upper side.

Sumora: *pointing at Sirius.* "Look a dog!"

Kahlan: *frown* "I thought your dog was smaller."

Jagang: "…was… was that dog in a tree?"

Sirius: *jumps off fallen tree.* *spots his wand nearly broken in half on the ground.* *whimper* *trots over to it and picks it up carefully with his mouth.*

Sumoa: "He knows how to play fetch!" *runs over to Sirius and takes the want out of his mouth.*

Sirius: "BARK!" _Careful with that!_

Sumora: "Want me to through it, boy?"

Sirius: "BARK!" _Merlin's beard no! Put it down!_

Sumora: "Okay!" *throws wand* *it smacks against another tree and breaks in half totally.*

Sirius: *whimpers and walks sadly over to the wand.* *looks down at it.*

Sumora: "Go on. Pick it up boy! Come on! Come on! Pick it up!"

Sirius: *looks sadly back over to Sumora* *looks to the skies for Vin, she still hadn't come down yet.* *whimpers* _Great. Now how am I going to change back?_

Sumora: *throws up hands* "You great stupid dog!"

Jagang: "Bah! Who cares about the dog?" *grabs Kahlan by the wrist and yanks her over to him.* "I want to dance the Tango!"

Back in the Other home

Richard: "No! No! Please stop!"

Other Darken: *holding one of Richards barefeet.* "This little piggy when to the market."

Richard: "No! No! I can't take it!"

Other Darken: *wiggles another toe* "This little piggy stayed home."

Richard: "I beg you please stop!"

Other Darken: "And this little piggy went wee wee wee all the way home!" *tickles Richard*

Richard: *starts to laugh* *sees Other Darken's face then cries softly*

In the huge domed room filled with Jamaican penguins

Rand: *speaking slowly.* "So let me get this straight…" *holding a lime in one hand and a half opened coconut in the other*

Penguins look at Rand expectantly.

Rand: "You put the lime" *holding the lime* "In the coconut." *brings lime over the coconut.* "You put them both together." *puts lime in coconut* "You put the lime in the coconut and then you feel better?"

Penguin#2 "Dat's right man!"

Penguin's and Rand burst into song and dance

"You put the lime in the coconut. You put them both together. You put the lime in the coconut and then you feel better!... I say docta!..."

Back to Perrin

Otis has now backed Perrin into a dead end and is cornering him slowly.

Perrin: "Down boy. Easy now little darkhound."

Otis: "Yap!" comes closer.

Perrin: *back hits cavern wall* *looks behind him just to be sure there was nowhere else to go.* "Down Otis, down."

Otis: *now as Perrin's feet.* "Yap!"

Perrin: *Mouth froth* *takes out hammer and smashes it down on Otis' head.* *he continues to beat the little dog to smithereens.* *panting and covered in dog blood he tries to wipe it off him, but only manages to smear it more.* *he looks to the ground and notice his own footprints in the stone.* "Wait a minute…" *bends over and puts fingers into the smooth texture.* "This is clay…" *straightens looks at Otis' remains. "Awe, damn. I killed Sumora's dog…"


	12. Chapter 12

Outside the cave of Dooom

Jagang: *singing and pointing at Kahlan* "I got her! Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!"

Sister of the dark: *soprano* "He got her Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!"

Soldiers: *tenor* "He got her Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!"

*everyone looks to Kahlan.*

Kahlan: "… I'm not going to say it."

Jagang: *steeling a sword from one of his men* "Say it or I kill the sapling" *hold sword before a little tree*

Kahlan: *rolls eyes* "Oh, no not the tree!"

Jagang: *laughs gleefully and chops down tree*

Kahlan: "Oh, dear spirits, oh goodness me whatever shall I do without that little tree?"

Jagang: "Now darlin…"

Kahlan: *sigh* *in monotone* "He got me ha ha ha ha ha ha…."

Sirius: *still morning over his broken wand Sumora is patting him on the head*

Sumora: "I'm gonna hug you and love you and squeeze you and feed you and…"

Vin still hasn't come down…

Back at town.

Cara: "You know… something just occurred to me."

Zed: "You're a sadist?"

Cara: "I already knew that. No, I could just find Richard with the bond."

Mat: *gives Cara a suspicious look* *fiddles with his medallion*

Zed: "Hmm odd, you might have thought that we'd have done that to begin with." *looks mockingly at the sky*

TruemyTheWise: "Hey none of that! You aren't allowed to argue with the narrator."

Zed: "Well, somebody has too. Ever since you blew Flicker out it's been up to me and Cara to spit nasty remarks at you."

Truemythewise: "Well erm… I'm going to cut you're scene that's what I'll do!" *rubs hands together in glee*

Mat: "Hey! Wait a minute I didn't say anything mean! Can't I get some screen ti—

Back at Other home

Other mother: *cooking in the kitchen humming to herself.*

Richard: *sitting pathetically in a high chair that is much too small for him wearing a very dirty bib*

Other mother: *turns off stove and tries to untie the apron* *is too far to reach* "Richard, dear, would you mind untying this?" *walks over to Richard*

Richard: *glares at Other Mother but starts to untie the apron.* *a sudden idea comes to him* "You know *cringe* mother *cringe* you seem to be putting on a little bit of weight."

Other Mother: "What? I am?" *looks down at her waist*

Richard: "Yes, particularly around the middle" *points to her stomach*

Other Mother: *bottom lip pout* *runs off to the bathroom* *hacking noises are shortly heard*

Richard: *rips off bib and tries to get out of highchair.* *The chair tumbles over and Richard smacks his face on the floor earning a bloody nose, but is now out of the chair.* *Runs to the bathroom*

Other Mother: *sobbing and throwing up* "I knew I shouldn't have eaten all those kittens!" *vomits some more*

Richard: *pails at the sight of Other Mothers vomit.* *spots a little bird foot in the slush* *gulps and looks away*

At that moment there is a plink.

Richard: *turns his head around in time to see the key in the pile of Other Mothers vomit.*

Other Mother: *vomits over the key*

Richard: *whips out Sword of Truth* *Sword of Truth is glowing white*

Sword of Truth: "Hissss. Hisss!"

Richard: "Quit you!"

Other Mother: *starts to turn head*

Richard: *swings sword and chops off her head* * Looks to the pile of throw up and cringes again before sticking his hand inside to find the key.* *pulls it out then runs for the little door* *bumps into Other Darken*

Other Darken: "Richard, where are you off to in such a rush?"

Richard: *shifty eye* *shouts* "Look at that very distracting thing over there!"

Other Darken: *excited* "Where???"

Richard: *runs*

Other Darken: "I don't see any very distracting… hey wait a minute! RICHARD!"

Richard: *kneels next to little door.* *hands shake as he tries to put the key in the hole* *Other Darkens footsteps are quickly approaching.* *gets door open and starts to struggle through*

Other Darken: "RICHARD! RICHARD! RICHARD!"

Richard: *squeezes through tunnel*

Other Darken: *struggles through tunnel after Richard*

Richard: *yelps and runs back down the tunnel towards the cave entrance*

Outside the cave of doooom.

Kahlan: "Enough! I am not singing any more songs! You can't make me!"

Jagang: *in golem voice* "Oh yes we can!" *cough* "I mean, of course I can!"

At that moment Perrin sadly walks out of the cave carrying a dripping pile of blood and fur. His giant shoulders slumped.

Kahlan: "Perrin! Help!"

Perrin: *looks up and is surprised by the army that has appeared to come out of nowhere.* "Where did all them come from?"

Jagang: "I'd think twice about helping her." *nods to fallen tree* "You don't want to meet his fate."

Perrin: *Glances at tree* "Um… right." *spots Sumora with another dog* "Sumora I…" *looks back to Otis remains in his hands* *mumbles* "I thought he was a darkhound…"

Generic sister of the dark: "You mean hearthound."

Perrin: *shakes head* "No, darkhound."

Generic sister of the dark: *stiff* "Hearthound sounds cooler."

Perrin: "… not really."

Kahlan: "Hello! A little help here!"

Perrin: *frowns at Kahlan* "Erm, sorry what's wrong?"

Kahlan: *points to Rada han*

Perrin: "You got a new necklace?"

Richard: *comes bursting out of the cave of doooooooooom screaming* "Help! Help! He's after me! He's after me!"

Kahlan: "Richard!"

Jagang: "WTF???? I thought this was the cave of doooom! Why are they coming back out of it?" *glares at Sumora*

Sumora: *in small voice* "Well that's what it says."

Jagang: "Where?"

Sumora: *points to a sign next to cave entrance.* *half the sign is covered in mud*

Kahlan: "Huh, figured we might have read that before going in."

Truemythewise: "Don't mock me!"

Jagang: "Wait a minute." *scrubs away mud* The sign now reads: 'CAVE OF RANDOOOOOM'

Richard: *giggle* "RANDom"

Jagang: *eyebrow twitch* "Bah! It doesn't matter!" *turns to his army* "KILL THEM!"


	13. Chapter 13

Soldiers screamed a wordless battle cry, archers drew arrows to cheek, sisters of the dark did impressive things with their han, Jagang screamed about violence, and a little something fell from the sky.

Vin landed in a crouch, her cloak of threads rippling behind her. She smirked, a glass dagger in each hand. Pewter fueling her body, she rushed the solders head on, sticking her glass daggers between the slits of their armor. Blood sprayed out of neck plates, armored arms flew from soldiers. Sisters of the dark fell to the ground, eyes rolling; dead before they could see what stuck them.

Vin flashed about, moving faster than the eye could see. Using steel pushes and iron pulls, she flew through the men, blood spilled in her wake. In less than five minutes Vin had desecrated Jagangs entire army.

She spun, blood flying from her hair and from the tips of her threaded cloak. Her mouth quirked in a twisted smile, eyes meeting Jagangs horror struck face.

Vin: "Now that's how you make an entrance."

Sirius: *whimper* _Holly shit…_

Jagang: *clears through* "You think you have beaten me little girl? HA!" *snaps fingers and another army materializes out of thin air.*

Vin: "No fair!"

Kahlan: *sighs*

Richard: *snaps mouth shut*

Other Darken: *running out of cave of Randoooom* "Richard!"

Richard: *shouts and tries to run away*

Other Darken: *throws his arms around Richard* "Darken luuuuuuuuuug Ragarch!"

Kahlan: "… that's only cute when Gratch does it… you just look really hideous."

Richard: "Will somebody get him off me!?" *struggles*

Mat, Zed, and Cara: *shoving their way through the army*

Mat: *spotting Sumora* "You!" *runs at her with spearthingy*

Sumora: *screams leaping to her feet*

Sirius: *leaps to all fours and growls* _you can't just hurt a child!_

Mat: *knocks Sirius away with the butt of his spearthingy*

Sirius: *yelps*

Vin: "TenSoon!" *runs to Sirius*

Sirius: *!???*

Sumora: *screams again and runs away from Mat* *heads for the cave of Randoooom* *bumps into Rand*

Rand: *coming out of cave carrying a lime in one hand and a coconut in the other* "Woah. Woah. Woah. Check this out." *kneels before Sumora* "You put the lime--"

Jagang: "Helloooo! I'm about to kill all of you!"

Zed: "Not if I can help it!"

Vin: *rises* "Or TenSoon and I!"

Sirius: Bark: _What are you talking about?_

Vin: "That's right!"

Richard: *still struggling to get Other Darken off him* "You can't just steel my wife and think you can get away with it!"

Perrin: *incredulous* "She's your wife!?"

Cara: "Fear me. I wear leather and cause pain!" *shakes rod*

Sumora: *tries to sneak away*

Mat: *snatches Sumora's wrist* "Not so fast little girly."

Darken: *snuggling Richard* "Don't you love me son?"

Rand: "Woah, chill guys. I--" *abruptly becoming aware of Other Darken and his sewn lips and button eyes* "What the hell is that thing?"

Perrin: *shudders*

Richard: *sob* "Please get him off me! I beg you!"

Jagang: "Raaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarg! Violence! Kill them!!!"

Rand: *holds up finger and Jagang's army is warped in flows of air. All the sister of the dark gasp in surprise at not being able to channel *cough* I mean use their han… yes han…*

Generic sister of the dark: "I can't use my han!"

Sarcastic sister of the dark: "No shit Sherlock."

Sherlock: *passing by carrying a dueling cane* "I take great offence at that young lady" *shakes cane at her as he continues on*

Kahlan: "Will somebody please get this blasted thing off my neck?"

Perrin: *drops Otis' remains to help Kahlan.*

Rand: "Wait a minute Perrin."

Perrin: "Huh?"

Rand: *turning to Jagang* "Can you take us to Andriel?"

Jagang: *looks to frozen army* *slowly* "Yees…"

Richard: *gasp* "How can you betray me like this?"

Other Darken: "Darken luuuuuuuuug Ragarch"

Rand: "Hey, first off, we were never on the same side. All we wanted to do was go to Andriel so we can get home and save our world. But then she shows up" *points to Sumora* "and then we were off to save her dog!"

Perrin: *shifts uncomfortably* *wipes bloody hands on pants*

Rand: "So now, I'm going to find someone else to take us."

Mat: "And I'm going to throw you in a well!" *shakes Sumora*

Perrin: "Mat! She's just a little girl!"

Mat: "An evil little girl!"

Sumora: "No I'm not. He's crazy! Please help me!" *starts to cry*

Kahlan: "Oh yes she is." *points to Jagang* "She led him here! She betrayed us!"

Richard: *gasp* "Sumora, how could you?"

Zed/Cara: *share a look*

Cara: "Should we even ask?"

Zed: *arches eyebrow at frozen army* "That is some trick."

Rand: "It doesn't matter! We're going now."

Richard: "If you help Jagang. I'll never forgive you!"

Jagang: "I like this guy!"

Zed: "Hold on just a minute. If you wish to go to Andiel we'll take you straight there. No need to join with the Order"

Rand: "No distractions?"

Zed: *Nods* "No distractions."

Rand: "All right."

Perrin: *takes rada han off Kahlan*

Kahlan: "Finally" *runs at Sumora* "Remove your hands"

Mat: "No way, you said it yourself she's evil"

Jagang: "Somebody do something!" *sudden idea dawns on him* *looks to Rand* *evil grin*

Kahlan: "I know, now I'm going to punish her"

Mat: *looks suspiciously at Kahlan but let's go of Sumora*

Sumora: *runs*

Kahlan: *grabs Sumora by the throat* *there was an impact to the air.* Thunder without sound*

Truemythewise: "Sorry guys no farts this time"

Sumora: *falling to knees* "Command me mistress"

Kahlan: "I want you to die."

Sumora: *Dies*

Mat: *pails* *backs away from Kahlan*

Jagang: *frowns at Rand*

Rand: *staring at Kahlan* *clears throat* "Okaaaay let's get out of here now."

Zed: "Of course, just one more thing." *turns to Jagang*

Rand: "No! Now!"

Zed: "But I was just--"

Rand: "I don't care! You either take us now or he does." *jerks thumb at Jagang*

Zed: "You don't know what you're saying. You don't know who he is."

Rand: "And I don't really care."

Zed: "Alright." *shoots Jagang a mean look* "This way"

Richard: "Wait! Someone help!"

Other Darken: *tightens his hold on Richard*

Zed: *sigh* *looks to Other Darken*

Other Darken: *staring at Richard* "Please don't leave me Richard."

Richard/Zed: *share a look*

Other Darken: "Isn't all life important?"

Richard: "Yes… but"

Other Darken: "I won't get in the way."

Rand: "If we don't leave this instant I swear--"

Other Darken: "Richard, son"

Richard: *looks at other Darken as if seeing him for the first time.* "Father…"

Other Darken: "I love you, Richard" *smiles even more than his sewn lips permit*

Rand: "Right, that's it!" *Balefires Other Darken out of existence*

Richard: *falls to knees* "FATHER! Nooooo!"

Rand: *to Zed* "Shall we?"

Richard: "No! No! No!"

Zed: "Um… yes Andiel, yes."

Richard: "NOOOOO!" *sob* "FATHER!"

Rand: "Will someone shut him up?"

Perrin: *knocks Richard upside the head with the butt of his axe*

Richard: *falls to the ground unconscious*

With that Zed, Cara, Kahlan, Richard (being dragged by Vin and Sirius), Mat, Perrin, Rand, all make their way to Andiel… finally.


	14. Chapter 14

Thus far our group of Hero's, and Richard, have been traveling for a good oh, five hours. Vin and Sirius were forced to carry Richard the whole time because he never woke up. There was some talk of just leaving him, but Cara wouldn't have it, and it was Vin doing most the talking, so as night came round Richard remained in the party.

Cara: *glaring at Vin*

Vin: *pointintly Ignoring Cara* *whisper to Sirius* "TenSoon, I don't like the look that woman is giving me."

Sirius: *doggy yawn* "Bark" _For the last bleeding time, I'm not TenSoon. I'm Sirius Black!_ *whimper* _Just how long am I going to be stuck like this?_

Truemythewise: "Oh, I don't know. I guess I think of a way to change you back or get rid of you."

Sirius: *glares at the heavens* *growl* _That is not very comforting… _

Vin: *nods* "Yeah, I don't like her either."

Perrin: *who has been watching and listening to Vin with his super good wolf hearing.* "Um, I know this is a little late to ask, but… Just who are you?"

Everyone stops whatever conversations they'd been holding and turn their attention to Vin.

Vin: *smirks* "Vin Ventured, Mistborn, killer of the Lord Ruler, Empress of um… Mistborn land…"

Flicker: "Oh, for god's sakes, the book is just on your shelf. Go look up how to spell the name!"

Truemythewise: "I can't. I'm too lazy. Wait, I thought you were dead!"

Flicker: *rolls nonexistent eyes* "I'm a Flicker. You can't kill me. I can Flicker on and off all I want."

Truemythewise: "…" *sigh* "Fine."

Perrin: "Oh, alright."

Zedd: "Perhaps now would be a good opportunity for Cara and I to introduce ourselves."

Rand: "Nope. I'm going to bed" *goes to sleep.

Zedd: *sniff* "Well, fine then."

Mat: *snort* "What do you think you are, a woman?"

Zedd: "What? You calling me a witch?"

Mat: "No, oh, never mind." *leans back and carefully closes his eyes.* *after a few minutes starts to snore*

Zedd: *mutters* "Bunch of ungrateful bagholders…"

Kahlan: *looks sharply at Zedd.* "You shouldn't curse in the presence of a lady."

Zedd: *snort* "I'm not."

Kahlan: *squinty eyed glare*

Cara: *underbreath* "That's enough you two."

Vin: *while Cara is momentarily not glaring at her* *eases a glass dagger out and scoots over to Richard.* *eyes focused on Cara, she slowly moves the dagger to Richards neck.*

Richard: *opens eyes in time to see Vin's attempted murder.* *shouts*

Vin: *quickly retreats back and twiddles thumbs*

Richard: *sits up* "You tired to kill me!"

Kahlan, Zedd, Cara, and Perrin shift their attention to Vin again.

Perrin: *to Vin* "Why'd you stop?"

Richard: *highly offended look*

Cara: *pokes Perrin with her rod*

Perrin: *lets out yelp that sounds oddly like a wolf and falls to the ground.*

Cara: *starts towards Vin.*

Vin: *moves to her feet in a blur, whipping out her glass daggers.* "Bring it.*

Zedd: *Putting himself between the pair of them.* "That's enough you two."

Cara: "She tried to kill Lord Rhal."

Vin: "I thought he was already dead."

Cara: *blink* "What?"

Vin: "Aren't we all dead?"

Richard: "Enough of this." *get to his feet* "Where is Jagang. And…" *tears up* "My, oh dear spirits my other father!" *falls to knees and starts to cry.* "Now, I've lost three of them!"

Perrin: *getting to his feet rubbing his side. Shoots a mean look at Cara.*

Cara: *shoots a mean look back at him.*

Kahlan: *coming over to Richard* "There, there." *pats him on head.*

Richard: *sniffle*

The next morning, group is walking through the woods.

Rand: "Don't you people have any faster way to travel. Besides horses that is." *rolls eyes*

Richard: "Yes, but I'm not telling you how." *sticks out tongue*

Lews Therrin: "That little spit! Why I odda!" *reaches for the one power*

Rand: *pales* *reaches for the one power*

They arrive at the same time.

Rand: _mine!_

Lews Therrin: _No! Mine!_

Rand: *now in a state of mental tug a war with himself.*

Kahlan: "Don't we have to figure out how to close the Veil?"

Richard: "Maybe…"

Zedd: "What's this? Bags, Richard! Did you tear it _again_!

Richard: *pout* "No!" *points finger accusingly at Rand* "He did it!" *in Golem voice* "He did it!"

Rand: *is too busy fighting with himself to deny ever doing such a thing.*

Zedd: *arches brow at Richard*

Richard: "It's true! Ask Kahlan."

Kahlan: "Does it really matter who did it. We got to fix it anyway. It's a wonder this place isn't crawling with skreenling."

Perrin: "What's a skreenling?"

Flicker: "I don't think you're spelling that word right…"

Zedd: "creatures from the Underworld, sent to reek havoc and kill everything in their path."

Perrin: "So, you mean more guys like him." *jerks thumb at Richard*

Richard: *another highly offended look*

Zedd: "Well… if you put it that way…"

Vin: "Wait, a Veil? I fell through one of those."

Cara: "Shut up. Nobody cares about you."

Vin: *shoots glare at Cara, but continues on.* "This guy, Sirius Black and I fell through. We had both just died."

Sirius Black: *Bark!* _That's me! I'm Sirius Black! Now stop with this TenSoon nonsense!_

Zedd: "So, you're both Baylings."

Richard: *slaps Zedd across the face. "Lies! There is no such thing in the Sword of Truth world! What do you think this is? Legend of the Seeker?" *disgusted look*

Zedd: *cough* "Right sorry. I mean," *Gasp* "That's impossible! If you were to fall through you'd be ghost or something. Like Darken Rhal."

Kahlan: "actually we summon-"

Richard: *slaps Kahlan.* "Silence woman you know nothing!"

Kahlan: *rubs cheek.* "Who do you think you are? Jagang?"

Richard: * another highly offended look*

Rand: *mutters* "There's got a be a better way of getting to this Andiral…"

Truemythewise: "Sorry guys. This is trash, but I'll try to pick things up."

Flicker: *snort* "This whole fan fic is trash. I have no idea why you started to continue it."

Truemythewise: *shrug* "Boredom."


	15. Chapter 15

Wheel of Truth 15

Our not so weary group of travelers traveling through the woods because that's all they every seem to do in this fic.

Mat: "Rand, Perrin, can I ask you two something."

Rand/Perrin: "Yeah."

Mat: "We're friends right?"

Perrin: "Yes of course."

Mat: "We've known each other since childhood. I mean, we grew up together."

Rand: *suspicious look* "We're you going with this?"

Mat: "Well, I was just wondering—If we were such good friends WHY THE SON OF A GOATS MOTHERS MILK IN A CUP DID YOU FLAMING LEAVE ME IN A WELL!"

Perrin: *uncomfortable* "Erm, we didn't know you were in a well."

Mat: "Oh, really? So I go missing and what you just go on about your merry way? Some bloody friends you are!"

Rand: "We assumed you were passed out drunk somewhere."

Mat: *opens mouth to come up with a reply, but closes it unable to think of one* "Fair enough."

Zed: *in conversation with Vin* *Cara still shooting mean looks at everyone except Richard. (which is a first for him)* "So, whatever happened to this Sirius Black character?"

Sirius: *BARK!* _I'm right here! Oh, for the love of Merlins beard, I'm right here!_

Vin: "Quiet TenSoon, the old man is asking about a friend of mine. *to Zed* "I think that Jagang guy must have killed him. He didn't make a dramatic enough entrance. Clearly he wasn't main character material."

Sirius: *growl*

Zed: "I see."

Kahlan: "Here we are."

Richard: "Yeah! Andreal!" *runs towards the Wizards Keep" *clearly over his third Fathers death*

Kahlan: *chasing after him* "Come back, Richard! We are already a month late for our appointment with Dr. Mr. Therapist!"

Vin: "What an odd name."

Cara: "What, too complicated for you, _Vin_?"

Vin: *glares out of the corner of her eye* "You wanna start something?"

Zed: "Trust me, Vin, you don't want to go picking a fight with a Mordsith."

Vin: *crossing arms beneath breasts* "Oh, really? Perhaps she shouldn't be picking a fight with me!"

Perrin: "As much as we'd all like to see the outcome of this dispute, I'd think world saving is a tad more important."

Vin: *snort* "What do _you_ know of world saving?"

Sirius: *lets our breath* _'You just have it in for everyone don't you?'_

Zed: "He's right. I have to find a way to close the Veil."

Perrin: *cough* "Actually I was referring to our world. Is there a portal stone in this Wizards Keep?"

Zed: "I'm not sure. What does it look like?"

Rand: *explains*

Zed: *rubs chin* "No, I don't think I've ever seen such a thing. But the Wizards Keeps a big place. I practically grew up in it and still there are places I haven't ventured."

Cara: "The sliph for example."

Zed: "Yes, precisely."

Rand: "Sliph?"

Cara: "A kind of quicksilver creature woman that can take someone with both sides of the gift vast distances in a matter of hours."

Rand: "… Really? So, ah, why didn't we take it here?"

Cara: "And miss all that wood walking?" *snort* "You gatta be crazy."

Rand: "That's beside's the point."

Zed: "Anyway, why don't you all come in." *leads everyone to the Wizards Keep.*

Perrin: *whistles*

Whistle: *echoes and bounces off the walls of the keep. Laughs manically as it does so*

Vin: *snatches whistle somehow as it passes her by.* "None of that now." *crushes it in a pewter powered fist*

As the group venture into the keep, they pass Kahlan dragging Richard back through the entrance.

Richard: "Wait! Kahlan, we must go back, my gift _sensed_ something in there!"

Kahlan: "Oh, don't give me that excuse again. _My wizard senses are tingling!_ You know what you're doing, you're avoiding you're inner feelings. Dr. Mr. Therapist has been telling you, you've got to confront your emotions and…" *her voice drowned on as she dragged Richard back up the Keep.*

Mat: *rubbing chin* "You know Rand, maybe you should go see this Dr. Mr. guy."

Rand: *flatly* "Why?"

Perrin: "It could be good for you."

Rand: *gives both Mat and Perrin a blank look* "You two are as bad as women."

Mat/Perrin: *highly offended looks*

They reach a room of books. Zed begins grabbing books at random and piling them onto a table.

Perrin: "What are you doing?"

Zed: "These might help me find out how to close the Veil."

Mat: "What about the portal stone?"

Zed: "Look, I don't know anything about portal stones, but I'm becoming quiet experienced at Veil patching. I said I'd take you three to the Keep, well here you are, feel free to explore. Oh, you might want to watch out for the numerous magical traps scattered about this place. One wrong step and you could die."

Mat: *fiddles with fox medallion* "That's comforting."

The three of them leave the room.

Rand: "Alright, that settles it then."

Mat: "Settles what?"

Perrin: Yes, I should think there is only one thing to do now."

Mat: "What are you two talking about?"

Rand: "Isn't it obvious?"

Mat: *blankly* "No."

Perrin: "You're going to explore the Keep and come get us once you've found or not found the portal stone."

Mat: "ME! But, that doesn't make any sense! Rand's the one who can channel."

Rand: "Ah, but you're the one who can walk through this whole place completely unscratched."

Mat: "But, I could get lost."

Perrin: *snort* "With your luck, I doubt it."

Rand: *nods* "Yes, with your luck. You're likely to bump right into it."

Perrin: "So, we'll see you."

Mat: "What? Wait!"

Rand/Perrin: *walking away* "Good luck. Come get us once you've found it."

Mat: *open and closes his mouth several times after them.* *curses and kicks ground* "Those, flea bitten light curst sons of goats."

Vin: *who had not so quietly followed after the two rivers boys when they left Zed.* *Sirius, having nothing better to do, trailed after her.* "I'll come with you. I'm already dead anyway."

Mat: *gives her a look out of the corner of his eye.* "So am I."


End file.
